


That's How It's Gonna Be

by sorchafyre



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-10
Updated: 2011-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-24 11:55:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorchafyre/pseuds/sorchafyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gojyo POV to one incident in their physical relationship.  Warning for language, it is Gojyo after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's How It's Gonna Be

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer and Acknowledgements: I don't own Saiyuki or its related characters, they belong to Kazuya Minekura, Soundtrack is "Leave" by Matchbox Twenty, a fairly direct parallel to Gojyo's state of mind at the beginning of the piece. If Sanzo and Gjoyo had a physical aspect to their relationship, it would be this twistedly disfunctional. First published 6-May-05

Looking up from where I lay in the tangle of sheets, with the smell of sex still heavy in the air, I watched the door close - with Sanzo on the wrong side. Shit, I think he meant it this time.

So that's it, huh, that's how it ends? Letting my head fall back I wondered what to do now. It's not like one of us is leaving this trip. I guess we're just supposed to pretend nothing happened. Alright, it's not like I don't have practice in getting screwed over. Heh, so to speak. So fine, if that's how it's gonna be then who needs it? It's not like I expected anything different.

I looked over at my cigarettes on the dinky little table but didn't really feel like moving just yet. They'll be there later, you can always count on a good Hi-Lite. Stupid monk wouldn't know first-class tobacco if Kanzeon Bosatsu Herself slapped him across the face with it. Now that, I'd pay to see. Hell, I could probably sell tickets, set myself up sweet on the profits.

It wasn't until I thought about getting cleaned up that it kind of sunk in. That was the last time. It should have been different, should have been more... I don't know. Whatever. Curling up I closed my eyes, 'cause you can't sleep with your eyes open. Goku doesn't count. And I'm tired. I am.

And there's lots of chicks out there who love to console an unhappy guy. It used to be a really good gig, maybe I better dust off some of the old charm. We'll see who's sorry, don't think you can come sniffing back around if you get lonely 'cause I'll be otherwise occupied.

Damn.

It hurts.

**************************

I went down to breakfast the next day all cheerful. After all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, right? I only hesitated once when I walked into the room, take that Sanzo. Even if I didn't look straight at him, it was a damn good job of not letting anything bother me. Why should it? It wasn't that big of a deal. I even sniped the last piece of fish from Goku, he's always too slow if I don't give him a warning.

Doesn't matter if I'm not feeling so good, wouldn't want to act like something's wrong. Though, I kind of wonder who I'm keeping up the act for. Goku, probably, he gets upset if something's wrong and then he'll keep trying to _fix_ things. I'm sure not going to put anything past Hakkai and we all know Sanzo could care less. So yeah, Goku needs me to swipe his food and call him a monkey and nudge his shoulder when the guy at the next table says something funny and we can't laugh out loud but we've both heard it.

If I feel sick it's because I was eating too fast.

********************

Damn it, I know he got one room tonight on purpose, the sadistic bastard. I should give him hell about it, rag him about being cheap but I just... I'm not quite ready to talk to him yet. It's not like I couldn't feel him staring at me all day, even though he didn't turn around except to smack Goku once in awhile. Don't ask me how he does that; _looks_ at you with his eyes somewhere else. Makes you wonder what he's thinking.

Well, if I'm lucky I can spend quite a few hours tonight with a pretty lady. Worst comes to worst the bar stays open pretty late in this place. I've got better places to be than in a room with three other guys, one of who sleeps like he'll disappear if he isn't always making noise or moving around. I mean, I get it I really do, but it's not an attractive quality in a roommate.

Speaking of attractive qualities, that lady at the bar looks just fine. I think I'll go see if she's doing anything tonight. I was most of the way across the room before I realized I really didn't want to flirt...but how could I stop? I slid onto the empty stool beside her and smiled my most charming smile.

We spent an hour or so talking. She was fairly intelligent for someone pretty. Not that chicks can't be brainy, but most of 'em learn early you can either be good looking or smart but most guys don't like both in the same package. So we talked about gambling and the stars and a hundred different little things, and I was relieved when a nice, clean-looking guy came up and put his arm around her. She leaned into him and turned back to me, introducing him as her fiancé. Of course, I gave them my congratulations.

Finishing up my drink, I made excuses and went outside for a smoke. I like smoking outside at night, there's something kinda peaceful about it, especially if it's warm like tonight. I hadn't taken three drags before Sanzo showed up, all aggressively silent. He lit up and sat on the railing, like he was waiting for something. He can sit there all night for all I care, let him have his mood, I was sick of it.

Damn it, I want him. I want him so much I'm drowning in it. I can't think of anything else when I'm looking at him...so I don't. I _can_ hear him when he decides to say something, though.

"So that's it? You're letting it go just like that?" I look at him in surprise. The light from the window is bright enough that I should be able to make out his expression, but I'll be damned if I know what he's thinking.

No way he's getting away with shit like that. "So what, I'm not supposed to believe you?" I know what would happen if I tried to guess when he was serious and when he wasn't. I didn't live this long by taking stupid chances like that. He was starting to tick me off.

He was still... _looking_ at me, and I _still_ couldn't figure out what it meant. His voice sure didn't give me any clues. "I thought it might have been important to you. Something you'd fight a little bit for instead of giving up and sulking."

Alright, that was it. I started toward him but faster than I could see, the cigarette was replaced by his gun. "Touch me out here and you die." He meant it and _that_ expression was all too easy to read. I backed off, but I wasn't backing down.

"So what do you want me to do? Throw myself at your feet? Not happening." I started toward him again but slow this time, watching as he lowered the gun, leaving it in his hand. "You want to hurt me? Congratulations, asshole." I was close enough to him now to feel the heat from his body and it made me so hard I couldn't stand it. "Yeah, I want you. I'll bleed... I'll go to hell if you ask nice enough." And he was right there, _right there_ and I honestly didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or kill him.

It took three long steps to get to the door of the inn. It was a good thing no one wanted to use it 'cause I just stood there until I could breathe something like normal. I turned around then, leaning against the door frame. I know I look good and nothing wrong with using what you've got to get what you want.

"I'm going in now Sanzo. I've got my own money and I'm getting myself a room. And if you're not in it tonight I swear I'm finding you and dragging you there and if you kill me you kill me but I'm warning you that if you think this trip's hell now just wait till I come back and haunt your sorry ass for the rest of it."

If there's one thing I've had a lot of practice at, it's an exit line. So I strode inside, got myself a room and settled down to wait. He'll be here. He'll come or I'll go but one way or another, he'll be here. We won't hate each other, we won't hold on to anything and for a little bit it'll be enough for both of us.

You know, for a guy who doesn't believe in anything but himself, I do believe that.


End file.
